I’m sure on your wedding day you had the greatest plans for your relationship, however there’s a lot of things that can get in the way of a thriving marriage. For starters, kids can be a bit of a speed bump to getting to your destination. Throw in a global pandemic, an incoming recession and tons of other problems and it can be very challenging to keep the spark alive. However, you’re here, you’re learning and you’re open to doing things differently. That’s the first step! Keep reading to learn more about my top 4 tips for transforming your marriage.
1. Don’t Stop Dating Each Other
One of the biggest mistakes people make in marriages is that they begin to take the other person for granted. After all, you’ve seen them day in day out, it can be tempting to assume they’ll always be there but the reality is that nothing is promised. If you forget to date each other, stop investing the time to make the other person feel desired and wanted, then you may struggle with issues like infidelity in your relationship. One of the best things you can do is to automate the dating process. It might look like you get a weekly or monthly nanny to help with the kids or you simply put a date into your calendar every 15th of the month. There’s nothing that can make men moan like a delicious steak, so why not surprise him with a date to his favourite restaurant.
2. Schedule in Intimacy
Depending on how close you are with your partner, this might be something you do with their knowledge or something you do discretely. We schedule in things that are important to us, such as seeing friends, doing our hair, and even dental appointments. There’s nothing wrong with scheduling in sex. Most people need sex 2-3 times per week to feel satisfied and content in their relationship. You can either make a bit of a routine out of it by remembering to have sex every second day, or you can just pop it into your calendar under another name. Whatever it takes to ensure that it’s something you’re doing regularly despite external pressures. Why don’t you put on the horniest movie to get yourself and your partner in the mood?
3. Explore Persistent Issues in Therapy
Is there something you keep hitting during your fights? Maybe there’s a recurring theme you can’t seem to get past. Do your fights always end up as personal attacks and feel really toxic? If you keep seeing the same issues over and over and it feels clear to you that you wont be able to get past them in a healthy way without help, it might be worth exploring things in therapy. One thing I’ve noticed since exploring couples therapy is that being creative in the bedroom, such as exploring with homemade sex toys, increased after our other issues were worked on in therapy. Basically the better your communication and intimacy is, the better your sex life will be too. If you’ve not felt motivated to explore therapy before, that might help make you more interested.
4. Try Something New
It’s easy to get stuck in the routine of daily life. School drop offs, paying the credit card on time and grocery shops. None of it is particularly interesting or romantic. However there are many things you can do to spice up your daily life. One of the best things you can do is to take an overseas trip. Going somewhere new with your partner is an opportunity to indulge your senses in many different things. You can try new sports, do new activities and experience new food. If that’s not in the budget right now, you can try exploring a new hobby together or ticking something off your bucket-list. Doing something adventurous, like skydiving, zip lining, or even going to a casino can be a fun way to bring a little more spark and drama to your marriage. If you have a common goal, such as learning a new language, or a fitness related goal, it can be fun to do it together. That can be a really healthy way to strengthen your bond and to add more dimension to your marriage.
The first step in transforming your marriage is to want to improve things. I hope these tips help inspire you with new ways to breathe a little life into the most important relationship you have. A happy, healthy marriage can make such a difference to your mood, happiness, and your overall lifestyle. If you’re going to implement any of these tips, please let me know in the comments below which ones you’re planning to start with.